i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
