hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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