If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
