let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
