Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We left an ass print on the piano.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
