the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
