it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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