He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
