Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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