i think my tv is drunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
