R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
