Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My cat gives me a boner
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
