I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
