her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
