I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
