Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
