...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
