dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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