New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
