I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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