Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
