its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's like heaven, but drunker
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
