cat food counts as protein by the way
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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