My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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