I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
