Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
