How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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