OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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