Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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