My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
