When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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