Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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