you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
