You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
