girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
