i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
