You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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