Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
