A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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