Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
