I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
