if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
