I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
