and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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