i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Randomize
