remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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