new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Girls should come with a carfax report
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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