can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
