So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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