help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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