You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
