Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
