I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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