So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
