I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
